ambitiousbard:

soselfimportant:

thats a moray

I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO LEGITIMATELY ANGRY OVER A PUN

(via spadesbrigade)


You should have known from the start that he was trouble. Why would a fish invite you in anyway? When you are older you’ll understand that nobody is to be trusted, but right now you are young and you are foolish and dawn is fast approaching.

So you let him lead.
As you do for days.

He teaches you things. Most are useful. How to pick locks. How to slip jewelry right off a troll’s wrist without them noticing and where you can sell it without raising questions.

It’s not until the fourth night with him that he offers up his final lesson.

Read More


'goes to bed' aka lies in bed on mobile for 45 more minutes who knows


Q
hello spades i think you're awesome
Anonymous
A

you are sorely mistaken friend because what you do not realize is that you are the awesome one here, you have misplaced your praise and luckily I am here to point you in the proper direction.

You are awesome and I hope you have a great day. uwu


how am i friends with such talented people


sighs dreamily and thinks about future things


im laughing so hard about that gif with the dude stabbing the fuck out of that skeleton in jello it just keeps wobbling around looking very concerned even when its eyes get jabbed out

j-e-l-l-o
it’s aliiiiiive


hippopotamus-hi-tops:

things your friends will say if you’ve made a good pun:

  • get out
  • fuck you
  • shut the fuck up
  • oh my god why
  • you need to stop
  • you’re not funny
  • that was terrible

(via chocorps)


heckacute:

My favorite pick-up line is “This shark tooth necklace ain’t big enough for the both of us. I’m just joking. It totally is. Now scoot a little closer and I’ll tenderly drape it over both of our heads so our faces are touching.”

(via trolldicks)


Q
what's wrong with Izaiya?
Anonymous
A

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HE’S SUPER GREAT!

…or do you mean like… why is he so… ditzy?

Where Izaiya grew up it was seadwellers only! Everything was based around how strong and attractive you were, rather than a hemospectrum. So he’s having a rough time understanding the whole highblood/lowblood thing.

Things were far more primitive there too, so he gets really excited about things like movies and candy. :’3